Provincetown For Women Blog

Lesbian dating book author reveals her secrets for an empowered dating life

Posted on Tue, May 15, 2018

Provincetown for Women is delighted to welcome Kim Baker, author of Girls’ Guide to Healthy Dating: Between the Breakup and the Next U-Haul. Kim will be hosting a talk this Single Women’s Weekend about the four pillars of healthy dating. Come meet women, share your dating horror stories, and learn how you can have a more empowered dating experience.

When: 11:15 AM, Saturday, May 19

Where: Cabaret at the Crown & Anchor, 247 Commercial St.

Price: Included in registration

Provincetown for Women spoke with Kim about how she ended up writing a lesbian dating advice book, her top takeaways, and what you can expect from her talk.

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Provincetown for Women: How did you end up writing a lesbian dating advice book?

Kin Baker: I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, and realized that I had gone from relationship to relationship and I didn’t really know how to date. And I realized that if I wanted to have a different experience in relationships, then I needed to date differently. But I had no idea where to start.

So I started looking around for lesbian dating books, and at the time – this was around 2010 – there weren’t any. I couldn’t find any books on how to date in a healthy way as a lesbian. And you know what they say: If you want to read a book and you can’t find it, then write it. So I set out to experiment with doing things differently in my own dating life, and then a few years after that, I sat down and wrote a book about it. And that’s how it came to be.

PFW: What do you think it is about the lesbian experience specifically that makes us so likely to jump into things so fast?

KB: We’re all women, right? And women are conditioned to connect. It’s our biological purpose on this earth, to connect with each other emotionally and physically. So when you’re talking about two women, you start dating someone and you like them and you’re like, well why not see if this’ll work? So for me, it became about making all these relationships work instead of really evaluating compatibility and looking for the things I really needed in a partner.

I don’t know if everyone does this, but I definitely spent most of my dating time digging in and going, Alright, we’re together, we’ve known each other a few weeks, and how are we going to make this work?

PFW: What other common mistakes did you identify in the lesbian dating community?

KB: One of the big ones is that we like to date our friends. We date people before we’re over our exes. We date our ex’s exes. There’s this weird thing in our community where the circle of who we date doesn’t expand very far. And that habit can keep us in some patterns.

PFW: In the book you cover the importance of focusing on yourself rather than others. Isn’t the point of dating to focus on someone else?

KB: I suppose that’s one way to look at it. But when I talk about focusing on yourself, I’m really talking about how we approach being healthy in relationships. I think we all tend to get very outwardly focused. We have blame the other person for whatever we’re experiencing in a relationship, and we don’t really examine what our own part is in that situation. So then when the relationship ends, or if we have another similar situation, the pattern just repeats itself because we’ve done no examination of what our responsibility is.

So when I talk about focusing on yourself, I’m really referring to approaching dating from a position of self-responsibility. When you’re in a relationship, you’re a team, and you’re very focused on each other in a healthy, interdependent way. But in a lot of cases, we get lost because we lose ourselves. We lose our habits and our hobbies and our voice, and we get overly focused on the relationship. Nothing will ruin a relationship faster than abandoning ourselves.

PFW: I don’t want you to give any spoilers, but what are some common things women could do better with online dating?

KB: One thing that I learned is that the online dating profile is really crucial. We think that we have to impress everyone, so we try to stick to only things that make us look good. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but what tends to happen is that we don’t let who we really are come through fully. The best profiles are the ones where girls let their quirky side shine through.

PFW: What’s one piece of advice to you have for women who are coming out of a relationship or are struggling to get back out there?

KB: The number one thing that changes everything is healing past grief. I don’t actually talk about this very much in the book, but we live in a pretty grief-illiterate society. We don’t really know how to comfort each other through periods of grief, and we don’t process it. So it gets stuck, and it piles up. When you jump from relationship to relationship, you just carry all that old stuff right into the next one. It really blocks us from being present and vulnerable and authentic, and you need those three things to make deep emotional connections.

Processing that grief looks different for everyone. For me, I had to first acknowledge that I had grief. When we’re not aware that we’re carrying grief, it can control us in ways we don’t realize. So the first thing is to acknowledge the places where we need to do some healing. And then once you figure out where that grief is coming from, you really just have to do some grief work. I went through an old-school book on healing grief, and it was amazing how fast I began to feel lighter. I think it’s because I finally let myself acknowledge that there was some old stuff that was stuck and always running in the background.

PFW: What can people expect from your talk at Single Women’s Weekend?

KB: They can expect a fairly casual conversation. A lot of times when you get back into the dating scene it can feel like, “Ugh, here I go again!” It can be very daunting. So I’ll provide specific strategies to have a more empowered dating experience, and four key components of dating that we can do differently. Because the only thing we can really control is ourselves.

So if nothing else, people can come, hear some funny stories, and talk about dating and relationships. And I have some giveaways, so you might just get a free book out of it!


Once again, you can find Kim at 11:15 on Saturday, May 19 at Cabaret at the Crown & Anchor, 247 Commercial St. Kim will be joining us again at 2 PM at the Harbor Lounge (359 Commercial St), along with three other lesbian authors, to talk dating, lifestyle and romance. Learn more about her work here.

Tags: single women's weekend, dating

Top 6 Hotels in Provincetown that Won’t Break the Bank

Posted on Sat, Apr 07, 2018

We all know hotel prices soar during the high season in Provincetown, but there are still plenty of affordable places to stay, especially if you book early. We looked at all the options to help you, your partner and your gay-lady gang get the most bang for your buck. Ratings are a combination of price, luxury and kind of how we’re feeling at the moment.

1. Ravenwood

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This enduring Ptown favorite offers quaint rooms, a warm atmosphere and an amazing dining room that can’t be beat. Ravenwood has the beautiful quiet of the East End even while it’s just blocks from the bustling heart of Provincetown.

Cheapest High Season Rate: $140/night

Rating: 4.5/5 Birkenstocks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Rose Acre

 rose acre.jpgThis proud member of the Women Innkeepers of Provincetown Association offers immediate access to the town’s incredible gallery district, as well as its own lovely garden with fruit trees. This place really feels like home: The penthouse library is a perfect place to curl up with a good book after a long day on the town.

Cheapest High Season Rate: Call for most up-to-date information

Rating: 5/5 Subarus

 

 


  1. Blue Sea Motor Inn

 Blue Sea .pngThis serviceable motel is just a bit out of town, right over the Truro town line. A regular bus brings you right onto Commercial Street for just $2 a trip, so overall it’s a pretty good deal. Plus, the Blue Sea has an indoor pool and amazing beach access with an amazing view of the Ptown skyline. Not to be missed. And honestly, it’s kind of nice to get away from the crowds and find some tranquility on the bay.

 

Cheapest High Season Rate: $159/night

Rating: 4/5 U-Hauls

 

 

  1. Coastal Acres Campground

 Coastal Acres .jpgLiterally what could be gayer than pitching a tent, cooking over a campfire and pulling out the old guitar to hold Indigo Girls singalongs long into the night? At Coastal Acres, you can do all that and more. If you’re ready to connect with nature in this low-technology getaway, stay away from the hotels and try roughing it instead. The excitement of downtown is just a short walk away. 

Cheapest High Season Rate: $79/night

Rating: 4.5/5 gold stars

 

  1. HI Truro Hostel

 HI Truro Hostel -1.pngIf you’re up for something a little different (or if you’re feeling nostalgic for that summer you spent backpacking through Europe, check out the dorm-style hostel in Truro, minutes’ drive from Provincetown. This Coast Guard station turned hostel offers modest bunk bed sleeping arrangement, but you’ll get the opportunity to meet interesting people as well as direct access to the Cape Cod National Seashore. If you like your vacations filled with exploring nature, this affordable hostel is for you.

Cheapest High Season Rates: $45/night

Rating: 3.5/5 Bottles of lube

 

  1. The Provincetown Hotel at Gabriel’s

 Gabriels .pngOkay okay, Gabriel’s isn’t technically budget-friendly, but it is probably the most luxurious place you’ll ever lay your head. Well, I don’t know your life, but I do know that Gabriel’s has a well-earned reputation for flawless customer service, impeccable rooms, and those not-to-be-overlooked afternoon cookies.

 

Cheapest High Season Rate: $175/night

Rating: 5/5 Melissa Etheridge CDs still in the original plastic

 

 

Tags: summer, travel tips

Top Spots for Your Provincetown Date Night

Posted on Tue, Apr 03, 2018

I don't know if it's the quaint New England town, being able to hold your lover's hand wherever you go, or the fresh seaside air, but I always get those romance feelings the minute I get to Provincetown. And if you're anything like me, those romance feelings will make you want to take your wife, partner, girlfriend or heck, your platonic best friend on a date they'll never forget. So we rounded up all the best restaurants, bars and secret make-out nooks to take your special someone. Let us know how it goes!

For Dinner

Spindler's 

The French-inspired menu and fresh local seafood in a warm atmosphere leave nothing to be desired. It's the perfect place to play footsie under the table while you sip your craft cocktail.

Front Street Restaurant

They say there are five languages of love, but they missed food. Nothing shows love quite like splurging on dining, and Front Street is just the place to do it. Don't miss their award-winning wine selections.

The Porch at Central House at the Crown & Anchor

Their seasonal menu features local cuisines and New England classics, and their desserts are not to be missed. If you can, grab a seat on the porch to enjoy the people watching.

Casual Dinner

 If an upscale restaurant isn't for you, not to worry - Provincetown has plenty of great date night options that are a little more flip-flop friendly. 

The Canteen

This new addition to the main drag has quickly become a go-to favorite for creative and healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. Try their frosé (that's frozen rosé for the uninitiated) on the back patio overlooking the bay. 

The Aquarium Mall Food Court

Don't let the words "food court" scare you: this strip of take-out fast food comes with an amazing porch right on the beach. Grab a famous burrito from Big Daddy's, gelato from I Dream of Gelato or a burger from Street Eats and enjoy the view. 

Drinks

Joon Bar 

This cozy bar and kitchen is the best place in town the gaze dreamily into your lover's eyes while you twirl a wine glass in your fingers. Joon also offers small plates and salad if you want a little something, but at this joint, the wine is the star of the show. 

Harbor Lounge

This spot is for lovers. With the unrivaled pier stretching far out into the bay, Harbor Lounge is a top spot in town to relax with a cocktail while you take in the views. The quaint atmosphere make this place a Ptown classic.

Strangers and Saints

With the self-proclaimed style of a "modern interpretation of a portside tavern," hip newcomer Strangers and Saints offers fine spirits and amazing plates to share if you're still looking for a little something to nibble. Their house cocktails are creative and enticing.

Something Different 

Sunset at Herring Cove

Who said it had to cost money to be a romantic date night? All you need for the most romantic night of your life is a few blankets and each other. Park your car right on the water and watch the day come to a close as you enjoy the wind and the surf. 

Sailing on the Bay 

There are plenty of boats that will take you out on the water for some quality time with the wind in your hair. The Bay Lady, the Schooner Hindu and Dog Gone Sailing are all available for charter during the summer. 

The Wellfleet Drive-In

There's something delightfully summery about enjoying a blockbuster movie on a big screen from the comfort of your own car. The rowdier family crowds tend to clear out after the first showing, and it'll just be you, your honey, the movie and the moon. 

Tags: ideas for couples, entertainment, summer

Inside Women of Color Weekend - Talking with the DJ

Posted on Wed, May 21, 2014

Get to know Women of Color & Friends featured DJ Jamelia Afrika. 

      LNL interviews DJ Jamelia Afrika 

2014 interview with jamila afrika

         Photo by Jamila Afrika; Photo by Dan Mckeon

Tags: memorial day weekend, DJ Jamelia Afrika, women of color weekend, Summer 2015

The 2015 Summer Season is Kicking Off in May

Posted on Mon, Apr 28, 2014

Here is the Provincetown For Women events calendar for 2015. - See more at: http://www.provincetownforwomen.com/events/

Tags: memorial day weekend, entertainment, women of color event, girl splash, single women's weekend

Girl Splash Event Calendar is live

Posted on Tue, Jun 21, 2011

girl splash events provincetownThe long awaited Girl Splash event calendar and schedule has been published. You can view the details here: http://www.provincetownforwomen.com/girl-splash/sidemenu/events-schedule/. Please note, however, that tickets won't be available for sale until later this week.

It's been a great season so far and we look forward to seeing everyone soon.

Tags: girl splash, summer

Girl Splash: The July Summer Event for Women in Provincetown

Posted on Mon, May 30, 2011

The Women's Event of the Summer, July 20-24

With its sister events like the The Dinah in Palm Springs highlighting other seasons of the year, Girl Splash – July 20th through 24th in Provincetown, Massachusetts – is the only summer event for women on the year's calendar. 


girl splash ptown july 2011

Now in its fourth year, this seaside party features a non-stop series of top-notch entertainers.

This year the Girl Splash is proud to present Sandra Bernhard, Kate Clinton, Vickie Shaw, Jennie McNulty, Poppy Champlin, Mimi Gonzalez and more surprises to be announced. 

The mega popular ABSOLUT® Inn Stroll returns, and you should too.  Girl Splash Idol, sizzling dance parties, an all-lesbian whale-watch boat trip; parties on the only lesbian beach in the country; and all-lesbian sunset sails, dune trips, and a mega pool party round out the week. Check out the complete schedule and buy tickets at www.Girl-Splash.com.  

Tags: summer 2011, girl splash

What Dinah Shore, Spring Break and Memorial Day in Ptown have in common

Posted on Fri, May 27, 2011

As Mötley Crüe would say, Girls, Girls, Girls. Hundreds if not thousands of women will descend upon Provincetown, MA this weekend for 3 days of fun filled events. 5 events to be exact, with featured performers including Kate Clinton, Suzanne Westenhoefer, Jessica Kirson and more. Come join the fun and buy your tickets now.

memorial day womens weekend ptown resized 600

Tags: memorial day weekend, Dinah Shore Events, entertainment

Join Poppy Champlin in Ptown this Summer

Posted on Tue, May 24, 2011

Poppy Champlin Ptown women%27s eventsWhen:

I will be working in Ptown this year from memorial day weekend - pretty much every weekend in June (except film festival weekend) and then Thursdays-Sundays in July through August 7th, and returning Women's Week in October.

Favorite Things To Do In Ptown:

I love riding my bike to the beach to flyer the folks down there. I love looking at the moors the dunes and the sparkling water as I ride down the bike path with the sweet warm wind blowing on my face.  I love walking down the streets and seeing so many lesbians at once. Usually you have to pick them out of the crowd but women's week and girl splash week and memorial week wow it is lesbian city.  I like that.  It gives my heart a rest.  I can relax and say oh great I don't have to represent this week - you can all carry that for me now.  I love going to the Pied and dancing with all the women and when I dance I do dance with ALL the women on the dance floor - I cruise the dance floor stopping to dance with couples - they usually like it but there will be some who don't recognize me and give me the ole butt out bitch look - fine your loss. Anyway I love going to eat at the different eateries around town there is usually a new one every year to try there new wares. And I do like taking my bike every day out onto the pier and just smelling the air and looking at the boats and birds and clouds and thanking the great spirit or God for another beautiful day alive in one of the most beautiful spots on earth...Ptown!

Connect with Poppy Online:

Tags: memorial day weekend, entertainment

Ptown Kicks Off With Single Women's Weekend

Posted on Fri, May 20, 2011

Single - or not - we have 7 public events for women this weekend in Ptown! Performing at The Crown & Anchor at 8:30PM -- Jessica Kirson tonight, May 20th and Lori Michaels tomorrow, May 21st.

Plus, the first women's dance parties of the season kick off tonight at The Crown and tomorrow at The Pied, followed by the Annual Women's Brunch at Bayside Betsy's.

single womens weekend features jessica kirson and lori michaels resized 600

Tags: single women's weekend